Oppress working dads at your peril

I get it now. A woman who chooses to keep her children in the chit-chat closet is merely protecting her identity as a thinking person with plans for herself. A woman goes from being regarded as an individual with skills and merit acquired over a lifetime to becoming a sort of sacred cow. And it happens overnight. As soon as she announces her pregnancy, she is often perceived as a vessel for a child and, more quietly, a burden on the workplace. Will it spread among the workers, this urge to reproduce?

As part of my work, I follow the news and meet fascinating people. I pay income taxes that go into the public pot. Yet somehow there’s an image that I’m hanging around playing hide and seek with my kid all day. If I could afford to I might, but that’s another subject. Hardly anyone who sees I’m a mother asks me what I do anymore.

This might seem like a good place to dive into rationale for giving fathers the same amount of family leave to ensure that women aren’t discriminated against in hiring and pay. Or, by extension out there among the people. But this is obvious.

There is a larger point: Workplaces and governments need to reinvent "human resources" altogether to respond to the most underestimated phenomenon of modern times: Fathers and mothers who raise children as partners. Dads have pioneered their way to deserving recognition and respect. Demanding it seems to be a tougher matter. Maybe they should pick up on the collegial kiddie conversation where their wives have left off.

A draft law on paternity leave has been sitting before Turkish lawmakers for many years and should sit no more. It would be progressive, sure, but extreme measures are needed to combat the dark forces of a patriarchal society pushing hard to be on the world stage.

Turkey has the lowest rates for child care services for children under five among OECD countries. The law states that companies with more than 100 female employees should provide child care, but this is far from enforced. Women's rights advocates are pressing for the law to include companies with more than 150 employees, both males and females.

Left out between meatballs

At dinner with friends, questions about our child most often begin by someone addressing me. And there’s my husband, the one who most likely prepared our toddler’s dinner and is feeding him between dropped meatballs and random demands. Soon it’s obvious that we both answer with the same level of detail about our child.

Among broad circles of acquaintances, my husband admits to feeling overlooked when people treat me as the primary caregiver with the most insight and time invested in our son. My husband provides half the care and when necessary takes on the whole load without hesitation. He will care for Max Ali on his own while I’m out of town this month. He will do this even though he is working, making a feature film and completing his doctorate. He should have the same rights as any female worker to parental leave and child care.

Starting with infants, active father figures play a key role in reducing behavior problems and enhancing intelligence, reasoning and language development, according to a recent review of 22,300 sets of data in the U.S., the UK, Sweden and Israel. Women who had good relationships with their fathers at 16 had long-term benefits including better relationships with partners and a greater sense of mental and physical well-being at the age of 33.

This phenomenon of hands-on dads has become the norm in much of the world. It will change humans in profound ways. Technology has caused man to evolve from his need to fight or, for many, even work outside the home. Raising kids to be strong and happy suits man’s inclination to see that his family line continues. We know too much now about the benefits, and the needs, to look backward.

Big bosses and leaders, ignore the evolution at your peril.