Manners and the Man

Dear Ms Manners,
I am young, beautiful, rich and famous. My face, with my sultry lips, can launch a hundred ships and it has certainly launched several businessmen. Yet, whenever I open my mouth, the press leaps on me, accusing me of blunders, political incorrectness and downright stupidity. What I can I do to prove that I am just as clever as the next model?

Dear Gorgeous,

Follow the example of the Great Garbo: keep a mysterious silence. Saying Atatürk was able to manage two women simultaneously while carrying out the War of Independence at the same time is not exactly a very analytical approach to the war. Similarly, when your audience does not cheer, it is hardly advisable to ask them whether they have just come down from the mountains of Diyarbakır. In fact, you may want to reconsider the whole idea of shunning the career of political commentator and go back to modeling. Let us admit it, no one wants to know your political views any more than they want to see Mr Erdoğan’s legs.

Dear Ms Manners,

I have just launched a call to the retired (read estranged) members of my party to invite them back for the 40th anniversary of the party. They have been painfully quiet. Is it good manners to insist? How can I tempt them without losing my dignity and the awesome standing I managed to get, after I filled in the shoes of a much revered leader?

Dear Leader,
Of course it is advisable, in view of the coming local elections, to mend broken hearts that you have left behind. It is perfectly admissible to try to woo them with gifts, but be advised that triangular plates and watches may not be the gifts after their heart. Also, your plan to have “fake money” printed for the anniversary of the party may not be the best of ideas. Perhaps if you tried real money, but in a discreet way, of course...

Dear Ms Manners,
No matter how hard I try, every one is against me! They accuse me of an hidden agenda, of supporting terrorist groups in the Middle East and of trying to cover women with headscarves. All this stress has a negative affect on my nervous system and sometimes, I want to break out. When I do, I am blamed even more. I am often accused, by my own staff, of childish and un-statesman-like behavior. How can I continue to speak what I believe in, without being accused of... well, hysteria or a permanent sugar-down?

Dear Prime... sorry, reader,
It is very clear that you need some anger management. It is not considered good manners, neither in diplomacy nor in any polite society, to accuse a colleague of being “old.” Sentences such as “I can shout louder than you” are inexcusable once you have passed the age of six. “You are raising your voice because you have a guilty conscience” and other forms of bazaar psychology is not part of diplomatic jargon. Blaming third parties, such as organizers, or storming off meetings are not considered good manners (although Ms Manners admits that they are vote-getters). Let us put it forward for once and all: There is no such thing as “Kasımpaşa Diplomacy.” Instead of saying, before flashing cameras, that you will never speak the language of retired diplomats or “mon chers,” try to learn from them. Miss Manners firmly believes that any one can be well-mannered... or at least, pretend to.