Children are growing

Yesterday’s little ones are growing into adolescents, adolescents are growing into young adults, and adults are growing into young seniors. Just the cycle of life. As there is birth, growing up and one day landing the ship of life at the port of oblivion is a routine of life that no one can demand an exception, and even if some may dare to do so, no one can escape from it, either.

I am one of those lucky fathers who has a daughter and who grew up with his daughter, living with her and remembering all the pains and pleasures of growing up. A telephone call from the son of a friend in the middle of the other night provided me the chance of remembering that it is no joke to be an adolescent or that adolescent problems cannot be taken so lightly in a country like Turkey, where there is still immense peer pressure as well as family oppression.

He was scared. His teacher had seen him a while ago hugging his girlfriend in the school garden and was asking his and her parents to go to the school and see the headmaster. He was afraid that his father would feel "ashamed" because of the "inappropriate" behavior he staged in the school garden. The young boy in the height of his adolescent was scared that his father would think he did not provide proper guidance and could not teach moral values to him.

"I cannot tell this to my farther! I cannot let the teacher or the headmaster insult my father, saying that I behaved inappropriately by falling in love with a girl from my class. Please Uncle Yusuf, instead of my farther, would you see the headmaster? Promise, after everything is settled down, I will tell what has happened to my mom and dad. My dad anyhow already told me that he would not want to see my teachers because of my love affair. Please!"

What could I say to such a request of a boy who was born almost in my wife’s hands? But how would I betray the confidence of my friend, his dad, sidestep him and go to see the headmaster as if I were a custodian for the boy? What would my friend say? On the other hand, how could I say "no" to such a request, let down the boy that I value as if he is my son and perhaps leave him without anyone to consult to when he faces a problem? "Sure, I will see your headmaster tomorrow," I said. But, moments later I called his father, explained the situation and asked his permission to go to see the headmaster next morning on his behalf.

Still same problems

As if the boy and girl at issue were not 16 years old, as if he himself did not pass through those ages, an angry headmaster was waiting for me and the girl’s mother at the school. The girl’s mother was a tiny lady, or so she appeared to me. She must have been utterly ashamed of the "indecent" attitude of her daughter. "What the boy and the girl did cannot be excused. Indecency cannot be tolerated at the school. They will have to face the disciplinary board, get few days of suspension and learn how to behave well," the headmaster said angrily after explaining in detail the disciplinary code of secondary schools that prohibit any "sexual approaches" between boys and girls.

"They were hugging each other in front of other students. ...They were setting a very bad example. Now, they have to be punished so severely that other students will see what the consequences are for getting into such affairs!" he roared in anger. He was a father as well. How could he expect kids to grow up without making any "mistakes"? How could he expect adolescents not to have some affection toward the opposite sex? How could he think ridiculing that boy and the girl would set an example and help prevent repeat of such "indecency" in the school? To what purpose would suspending those kids from school serve? After I asked these and similar question to him, the headmaster toned down, the ashamed mother of the girl raised her head, and we all remembered that we were adolescents as well a while ago, and the three of us started discussing what projects we could develop to increase interaction between girls and boys of the school without upsetting disciplinary code but in a way that may help them grow up as confident individuals. Is there anything more important to us in this world than our kids? We better ask this question to ourselves before bursting out for trivial things.