Doing it...Turkish style

Yes, you have probably read that the Economist, with its love of a "bon-mot," has created the term "doing an Erdoğan" and defined it as "Davos-speak for hissy-fit."

B, besides being extremely well-read, is one of the calmest men in the world, who can placate furious women, indignant bosses and employees on the verge of resignation with a charming smile and a reconciliatory remark.

"Don’t you do a Gül on me," I screamed right back, tired of his "I am a mature, moderate and nice person who sees both sides of an argument" attitude.

"You know I am willing to do my utmost to come to Ankara and see you, but there are a lot of affairs here Ñ all those companies which show me on their board of executives, even if for symbolic reasons," he said.

I was on the point of retorting "Don’t do an Egemen Bağış on me now" Ñ a reference to the European Union Chief Negotiator’s "symbolic" shares in his wife’s company, but opted for caution, thus doing an "Amr Moussa at Davos."

Thank you for the experience

N leaned over the table at The House Cafe and whispered: "She is doing a Bihter on her husband." For those of you who, unlike most of the addicted Turkish public, do not watch the Turkish series "Forbidden Love" (a rerun of an early republican novel vamped up for the 21st century Turkish audience) "doing a Bihter" is the sitcom-speak for taking an old and wealthy husband and cheating on him with one of his younger relatives. "Good," I said. "That is precisely what the stingy so-and-so deserved. I am a great advocate of women pulling a Bihter rather than doing a Hillary."

"Doing a Hillary? What is that?" asked N.

"You know, taking in every little betrayal through gritted teeth and, when the moment comes, looking at your husband in the eye and thanking him publicly for, er, a life-time of all sorts of experiences... I dare say that was quite apt for Hillary Clinton swearing as the secretary of state. She learned the hard way that heads of states can and do lie or suppress part of the truth and this is good knowledge for her new role."

"This is far too subtle for me," said N. "If my husband pulled a Monica on me, I would do a bobbit on him...."

Are you too young to remember Lorena Bobbit, the Venezuelan manicurist who "bobbitted" her husband and threw the, er, spare part, into the garden?

"I am totally unable to understand the attitude of Turkish intellectuals toward the Armenian question," said a Turkish bureaucrat who shall be nameless. "All the desire for apologies, all the demonstrations... It is so different to the agenda of the real, genuine Turkish people..."

"Well, you see, the Turkish intellectual circles, including the mass media, are either controlled or under the influence of minorities based in Istanbul," said another. "Don’t you do a Canan Arıtman on me now," I sighed, as I thought of the Republican People’s Party, or CHP deputy who linked President Gül’s remarks on Armenian relations to his alleged (but very, very irrelevant) ethnic roots. From their guilty looks, it was clear that "doing an Arıtman" and being caught at it was considered to be very shameful, ain’t that grand?

Back to Square B

"You will not try to take revenge of this canceled trip by doing a Pınar Altuğ on me, will you?" asked B, in a somewhat worried reference to Ms Altuğ, known for her fast lifestyle in her pre-baby days. Ms Altuğ had left her boyfriend for his best friend while the boyfriend was doing his military service. She is presently the mother of two Ñ a baby by the guy who played her son in one TV series.

"Not unless you do an Ergun Göknel on me," I retorted, thinking of an old bureaucrat tarnished by corruption when his angry wife told the press that all the time he was supposed to be working, he was simultaneously abusing his secretary and the public funds.