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Why I have decided to become an informer
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I should have suspected that something fishy was cooking. My cat, Compay, spent the whole Tuesday night in unusual comfort and peace, not even scratching anyone around, or challenging the law of gravity by trying to walk on the ceiling. On Wednesday morning I learned from the radio what had turned him into another cat the day before: He knew he would escape the latest wave of detentions as part of the Ergenekon investigation whereas others were arrested.
Compay is a senior leader of the Ergenekon gang, responsible for mobilizing the cats in our neighborhood when the moment for a coup d’etat would come. His team, about 150 indoor and stray cats, would raid the parliament building and mercilessly scratch the AKP deputies, their task under the complex Ergenekon plot.
Now that many of Compay’s comrades are behind bars but he still enjoys his comfortable life I have decided to become an informer: Prosecutor Zekeriya Öz should immediately issue an arrest warrant for this super-puma-size cat who has become the nightmare of people who make the mistake of visiting me at home.
I also do this out of responsibility to my country. I was reminded of this duty when I heard Ğ with much admiration Ğ Burhan Kuzu, a prominent AKP deputy, proudly saying that "No one will ever think he is untouchable." Mr Kuzu was commenting on the latest Ergenekon arrests. I do not intend to question if the untouchables also include the Muslim elite that rule Turkey since they always have their parliamentary immunity. I am assured by Mr Kuzu’s remarks that our beloved country is only an inch away from full membership in the EU now that its democracy is beyond first-class, as evinced by the fact that even the powerful generals can be arrested. Prosecutor Öz should issue an arrest warrant for İlker Başbuğ, chief of general staff, and in half a year Turkey will become a full member.
My hopes for Ergenekon and their plot to get rid of an Islamist party truly shattered Wednesday, when one of the architects of the planned coup, the 80-year-old author Yalçın Küçük, was arrested along with several prominent figures of the post-modern coup of 1997, known as the "Feb. 28 process." Mr Küçük was in charge of the ’loonies section’ of the Ergenekon structure, a critical division of the gang. He and his division were responsible for the murder of Jesus Christ. I forget what date the murder took place.
I also lost my faith in the group which I once sympathized with when I learned that the most significant single weapons system the group possessed was seized by the police: A music CD of a famous Turkish compositor/pianist, Fazıl Say. I inform: the CD, disguised as an audio material, contains encrypted information about a Kemalist plutonium bomb which, when exploded, kills only Islamists.
Who are the other key members whom Mr Öz could not yet have uncovered, and what other crimes they have committed? I reveal: Kemal Kılıçdaroğlu, the CHP deputy, who has revealed so-called corruption dossiers about AKP bigwigs. The man is in charge of Ergenekon’s psychological warfare division i.e. the section that deals with the special task of intimidating innocent Muslim politicians with slander campaigns. Ehud Olmert in Jerusalem is responsible for fooling our prime minister with promises of peace in the Middle East. Also part of the psychological warfare division, Mr Olmert took orders from Mr Kılıçdaroğlu to launch a military offensive on Gaza.
Ergenekon has also infiltrated into the AKP, I must confess. Egemen Bağış, the party’s deputy chairman, is an implant. How do I know? Mr Bağış once said that the AKP is the most Kemalist party. A slip of the tongue. Also in the leadership there is a Mexican dwarf who is a cellist in a circus, a dog in Ayvalik named Luca, a Jewish Islamist with the name of Jihad Goldstein, a fisherman in Iceland who sparked the global financial crisis, and a horse who attempted to assassinate our prime minister a few years earlier by throwing him to the ground.
I shall not name the other Ergenekon mastermind out of fear of losing my job. Nevertheless I shall hint at his identity in the hope that the prosecutors can find out. He is an American journalist who speaks fluent Turkish and is the editor-in-chief of Turkey’s oldest English-language newspaper which recently has reflagged itself. He is code-named D.J., and I swear I saw him drinking rakı a few times. I heard he was in charge of the ’English-language propaganda,’ and operated mainly by giving columns to infidel journalists.
This much is enough. I have done my job, and am confident Mr Öz will track down all these criminals I named/hinted. I am not expecting $$$$$ for this service to democracy. I shall be content with a fat-salaried job in a government-friendly newspaper.
Now that many of Compay’s comrades are behind bars but he still enjoys his comfortable life I have decided to become an informer: Prosecutor Zekeriya Öz should immediately issue an arrest warrant for this super-puma-size cat who has become the nightmare of people who make the mistake of visiting me at home.
I also do this out of responsibility to my country. I was reminded of this duty when I heard Ğ with much admiration Ğ Burhan Kuzu, a prominent AKP deputy, proudly saying that "No one will ever think he is untouchable." Mr Kuzu was commenting on the latest Ergenekon arrests. I do not intend to question if the untouchables also include the Muslim elite that rule Turkey since they always have their parliamentary immunity. I am assured by Mr Kuzu’s remarks that our beloved country is only an inch away from full membership in the EU now that its democracy is beyond first-class, as evinced by the fact that even the powerful generals can be arrested. Prosecutor Öz should issue an arrest warrant for İlker Başbuğ, chief of general staff, and in half a year Turkey will become a full member.
My hopes for Ergenekon and their plot to get rid of an Islamist party truly shattered Wednesday, when one of the architects of the planned coup, the 80-year-old author Yalçın Küçük, was arrested along with several prominent figures of the post-modern coup of 1997, known as the "Feb. 28 process." Mr Küçük was in charge of the ’loonies section’ of the Ergenekon structure, a critical division of the gang. He and his division were responsible for the murder of Jesus Christ. I forget what date the murder took place.
I also lost my faith in the group which I once sympathized with when I learned that the most significant single weapons system the group possessed was seized by the police: A music CD of a famous Turkish compositor/pianist, Fazıl Say. I inform: the CD, disguised as an audio material, contains encrypted information about a Kemalist plutonium bomb which, when exploded, kills only Islamists.
Who are the other key members whom Mr Öz could not yet have uncovered, and what other crimes they have committed? I reveal: Kemal Kılıçdaroğlu, the CHP deputy, who has revealed so-called corruption dossiers about AKP bigwigs. The man is in charge of Ergenekon’s psychological warfare division i.e. the section that deals with the special task of intimidating innocent Muslim politicians with slander campaigns. Ehud Olmert in Jerusalem is responsible for fooling our prime minister with promises of peace in the Middle East. Also part of the psychological warfare division, Mr Olmert took orders from Mr Kılıçdaroğlu to launch a military offensive on Gaza.
Ergenekon has also infiltrated into the AKP, I must confess. Egemen Bağış, the party’s deputy chairman, is an implant. How do I know? Mr Bağış once said that the AKP is the most Kemalist party. A slip of the tongue. Also in the leadership there is a Mexican dwarf who is a cellist in a circus, a dog in Ayvalik named Luca, a Jewish Islamist with the name of Jihad Goldstein, a fisherman in Iceland who sparked the global financial crisis, and a horse who attempted to assassinate our prime minister a few years earlier by throwing him to the ground.
I shall not name the other Ergenekon mastermind out of fear of losing my job. Nevertheless I shall hint at his identity in the hope that the prosecutors can find out. He is an American journalist who speaks fluent Turkish and is the editor-in-chief of Turkey’s oldest English-language newspaper which recently has reflagged itself. He is code-named D.J., and I swear I saw him drinking rakı a few times. I heard he was in charge of the ’English-language propaganda,’ and operated mainly by giving columns to infidel journalists.
This much is enough. I have done my job, and am confident Mr Öz will track down all these criminals I named/hinted. I am not expecting $$$$$ for this service to democracy. I shall be content with a fat-salaried job in a government-friendly newspaper.
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