Loneliest of days for divorced fathers
Güncelleme Tarihi:
BY ŞAFAK TİMUR
Oluşturulma Tarihi: Haziran 20, 2009 00:00
ISTANBUL - In going through a divorce, animosity can taint all links between the former loving spouses and leave their children, the most fragile participants of this process, to be hurt more than their parents.
As most father’s celebrate Father’s Day on Sunday, there are others who will find solice on a Web site that aims to support divorced fathers who want to connect with their children. Bosanmisbabalar.com (DivorcedFathers.com) is a Web site for fathers in Turkey who are prevented by their exes from seeing their children. The site allows users to share their experiences and provide emotional, practical and legal support to each other.
"I am defending the right of children to come together with their fathers. Children come first, our victimhood comes later. If you leave a child without his or her father, you inflict on him or her greater damage," said Necil Beykont, the founder of the Web site.
Driven by his own experiences, Beykont initiated a civil movement to promote the joint custody system and bring it to Turkey.
The current legal system in Turkey sometimes leads to the aggravation of fathers while trying to protect the mothers in a divorce process, according to Beykont. "The legal system is built on the reality that women are the aggrieved ones. Yes, it’s true, they are mostly the aggrieved ones. But what happens when they are not?" he asked.
Beykont alleged that a woman in a divorce process can easily go to a judge outside the courtroom and ask for an injunction decision saying the husband should be kept away from the home. The judge can give the decision easily without any need to look for evidence, he argued, adding that the court also sets a regular calendar for the father to see his child.
"When you say that this visitation time is not sufficient for you and your child, the court then asks the child. Can a 10-year-old child objectively say whether the time with his or her father is enough or not, even more so while he or she is in the courtroom, without any experts, with the mother waiting for the reply?" he said.
The solution Beykont offers is joint custody, which is applied in Europe and the United States. There are two types of joint custody. The first is "joint physical custody," meaning the right of both parents to have the children live in their home in a shared manner, while "joint legal custody" means both parents have a legal decision making role in their children’s lives.
Defending and campaigning for joint custody brought together the Divorced Fathers and the Association of Divorced Mothers, as their perspective on the issue prioritizes the needs of the children. "We defend the rights of children to grow up with both their mothers and fathers," Beykont said.
Ayça Özdoğan, lawyer and deputy president of the Association of Divorced Mothers, said they try to bring the concept up for debate in Turkey.
Joint custody
"When you look at the issue from the children’s perspective, the legal response is joint custody," she said. "For the psychological development of children, the mother and father roles need to continue in a healthy way."
In Turkish cases, the custody is awarded to only one parent and the other parent’s visitation is set to limited and regular times in a way that would not harm the daily life of the child. "If it is a civilized divorce the parent can see the child out of these times," Özdoğan said.
Then what if the divorce is not civilized? This is the point that Beykont and other fathers in a similar situation espouse. "The legal system should not be an instrument for mothers who want to keep the children away from the fathers," Beykont said.
"I am defending the right of children to come together with their fathers. Children come first, our victimhood comes later. If you leave a child without his or her father, you inflict on him or her greater damage," said Necil Beykont, the founder of the Web site.
Driven by his own experiences, Beykont initiated a civil movement to promote the joint custody system and bring it to Turkey.
The current legal system in Turkey sometimes leads to the aggravation of fathers while trying to protect the mothers in a divorce process, according to Beykont. "The legal system is built on the reality that women are the aggrieved ones. Yes, it’s true, they are mostly the aggrieved ones. But what happens when they are not?" he asked.
Beykont alleged that a woman in a divorce process can easily go to a judge outside the courtroom and ask for an injunction decision saying the husband should be kept away from the home. The judge can give the decision easily without any need to look for evidence, he argued, adding that the court also sets a regular calendar for the father to see his child.
"When you say that this visitation time is not sufficient for you and your child, the court then asks the child. Can a 10-year-old child objectively say whether the time with his or her father is enough or not, even more so while he or she is in the courtroom, without any experts, with the mother waiting for the reply?" he said.
The solution Beykont offers is joint custody, which is applied in Europe and the United States. There are two types of joint custody. The first is "joint physical custody," meaning the right of both parents to have the children live in their home in a shared manner, while "joint legal custody" means both parents have a legal decision making role in their children’s lives.
Defending and campaigning for joint custody brought together the Divorced Fathers and the Association of Divorced Mothers, as their perspective on the issue prioritizes the needs of the children. "We defend the rights of children to grow up with both their mothers and fathers," Beykont said.
Ayça Özdoğan, lawyer and deputy president of the Association of Divorced Mothers, said they try to bring the concept up for debate in Turkey.
Joint custody
"When you look at the issue from the children’s perspective, the legal response is joint custody," she said. "For the psychological development of children, the mother and father roles need to continue in a healthy way."
In Turkish cases, the custody is awarded to only one parent and the other parent’s visitation is set to limited and regular times in a way that would not harm the daily life of the child. "If it is a civilized divorce the parent can see the child out of these times," Özdoğan said.
Then what if the divorce is not civilized? This is the point that Beykont and other fathers in a similar situation espouse. "The legal system should not be an instrument for mothers who want to keep the children away from the fathers," Beykont said.