Expats face teenage woes
Güncelleme Tarihi:
by Kristen Steven
Oluşturulma Tarihi: Ocak 17, 2009 00:00
ISTANBUL - Arriving from Canada, Dr. Ron Clavier reminds students, parents and educators last Wednesday that while views about sex, religion and politics might differ, ethics are constant and form the building blocks for raising teens who make parents proud.
More than 200 members of the expat community, educators and locals gathered at Çırağan Palace on the Bosphorus Wednesday night to hear author Dr. Ron Clavier share strategies for making adolescent years healthier and more productive Ğ an outcome some living abroad fear might elude them.
Parents and teens agree that they both want adolescents to stand on their own two feet, so what’s the problem, Clavier asked. "We want them to be free but not yet," Clavier said, stirring laughter in the room. "I think our daughters should enjoy a wonderful and vibrant sex lifeÉ but after we’re dead," he said, playfully mocking a sentiment he hears from parents.
A Canadian neuroscientist, a clinician with over 25 years experience, author and educator, Clavier specializes in dealing with teenagers. In 2007, he had a series on Canadian television, "Adolescence: The Stormy Decade".
After parents and educators chatted casually over cocktails and coffee, Clavier explained the transition from the mind of a child to that of an adult while engaging the group in the emotional challenges kids face at the global, social, family and individual levels.
Earlier in the day teachers at Istanbul International Community School, the event’s sponsor, had told him that sometimes parents will discourage kids from following a passion because they fear it won’t bring success or money. Teens are emotional creatures, he said. "Encourage them to be emotional and to find what they’re passionate about."
He notes that teenagers often seem oblivious to the possible dangers of their behaviors. Society says that drugs help every kind of pain, he said. "Then when they turn to drugs we are so surprised." Kids are smart and studies show that they know how to weigh risks, said the author of "Teen Brain, Teen Mind: What Parents Need to Know to Survive the Adolescent Years".
Expat teens face added pressure
Seher Sureyya Ince, a New Jersey native with two bicultural boys, 11 and 13, is facing new teenage woes at home with restlessness that sometimes leads to punching between brothers. Ince selected the Turkish private school Hisar to ensure that they feel part of a long-term community as opposed to other schools with large turnover rates among expats who frequently move for work. "They have a lot more questions than they would if they belonged to only one country," she told the Turkish Daily News & Economic Review.
One British mother with children, 10, 13 and 15, at Enka Schools told the Daily News that finding like-minded and culturally sophisticated friends with kids has been challenging for her as a parent in Turkey. Her children’s bilingual upbringing Ğ their father is Turkish Ğ has added to the challenge most young people face, she said. "They’re struggling, I suppose, to find their own identity." Finding independence despite big-city, private-school living is key, she said. "My oldest son just started biking all over town with his mates."
Paul Morgan, head of the English Department at Hisar Schools, said it’s easy for teachers to overlook what’s going on with teens. "All these hormones are floating around, with kids tapping out rhythms and talking to girls," he said. "But the more we understand them internally, the better we address them externally." While he sees teens’ anxiety around exam time as a mark of maturity, he said the culture of exams in Turkey for adolescents can make for a destructive learning environment.
Clavier talked about how much time and energy teens spend focusing on sexuality Ğ especially with so much computer access. "It’s not mental illness," he said. "It’s so normal, it’s so healthy. Chill out."
Teens are astonishing creatures, he said. "They’re sincere, they are wonderful to be around and they look so grown up that it’s tempting to believe they are ready to stand on their own two feet before they’re readyÉ ’The immaturity of your brain has caused you to miss a few things,’" Clavier suggested parents try telling their teens.
Parents and teens agree that they both want adolescents to stand on their own two feet, so what’s the problem, Clavier asked. "We want them to be free but not yet," Clavier said, stirring laughter in the room. "I think our daughters should enjoy a wonderful and vibrant sex lifeÉ but after we’re dead," he said, playfully mocking a sentiment he hears from parents.
A Canadian neuroscientist, a clinician with over 25 years experience, author and educator, Clavier specializes in dealing with teenagers. In 2007, he had a series on Canadian television, "Adolescence: The Stormy Decade".
After parents and educators chatted casually over cocktails and coffee, Clavier explained the transition from the mind of a child to that of an adult while engaging the group in the emotional challenges kids face at the global, social, family and individual levels.
Earlier in the day teachers at Istanbul International Community School, the event’s sponsor, had told him that sometimes parents will discourage kids from following a passion because they fear it won’t bring success or money. Teens are emotional creatures, he said. "Encourage them to be emotional and to find what they’re passionate about."
He notes that teenagers often seem oblivious to the possible dangers of their behaviors. Society says that drugs help every kind of pain, he said. "Then when they turn to drugs we are so surprised." Kids are smart and studies show that they know how to weigh risks, said the author of "Teen Brain, Teen Mind: What Parents Need to Know to Survive the Adolescent Years".
Expat teens face added pressure
Seher Sureyya Ince, a New Jersey native with two bicultural boys, 11 and 13, is facing new teenage woes at home with restlessness that sometimes leads to punching between brothers. Ince selected the Turkish private school Hisar to ensure that they feel part of a long-term community as opposed to other schools with large turnover rates among expats who frequently move for work. "They have a lot more questions than they would if they belonged to only one country," she told the Turkish Daily News & Economic Review.
One British mother with children, 10, 13 and 15, at Enka Schools told the Daily News that finding like-minded and culturally sophisticated friends with kids has been challenging for her as a parent in Turkey. Her children’s bilingual upbringing Ğ their father is Turkish Ğ has added to the challenge most young people face, she said. "They’re struggling, I suppose, to find their own identity." Finding independence despite big-city, private-school living is key, she said. "My oldest son just started biking all over town with his mates."
Paul Morgan, head of the English Department at Hisar Schools, said it’s easy for teachers to overlook what’s going on with teens. "All these hormones are floating around, with kids tapping out rhythms and talking to girls," he said. "But the more we understand them internally, the better we address them externally." While he sees teens’ anxiety around exam time as a mark of maturity, he said the culture of exams in Turkey for adolescents can make for a destructive learning environment.
Clavier talked about how much time and energy teens spend focusing on sexuality Ğ especially with so much computer access. "It’s not mental illness," he said. "It’s so normal, it’s so healthy. Chill out."
Teens are astonishing creatures, he said. "They’re sincere, they are wonderful to be around and they look so grown up that it’s tempting to believe they are ready to stand on their own two feet before they’re readyÉ ’The immaturity of your brain has caused you to miss a few things,’" Clavier suggested parents try telling their teens.